A few days before Christmas Day 2022, I was mediating with a couple who had separated 10 days previously. Emotions were running high. There was a lot of confusion and unanswered questions. They had a young baby whom dad had not seen since separation. Dad was desperate to reinstate contact with his child. This was his Christmas wish. Mum shared Dad’s wish but was reluctant to speak to Dad outside of mediation.
The first session was taken up with ensuring both parents were able to voice their views and be heard, trying to help the parents share their child’s time over the Christmas period and dealing with the parents’ immediate concerns and aspirations. Thankfully, an arrangement was reached which allowed the child to spend time with both parents separately over the Christmas period.
The parents returned last week to iron out a more permanent arrangement. Both parents were pulling in different directions and had different priorities. Trying to keep them focused on the needs of their child and the immediate issues was challenging. At one point I honestly felt they needed more time to accept their situation before they could move forward.
With some careful questioning, active listening and loads of empathy on my part, I was able to help them come to long term child care arrangements, which suited them both and more importantly benefitted their child.
It took 2 sessions (just under 4 hours in total) over the space of 12 days (in essence 4 working days because of the festive period) to reach this satisfactory outcome. Due to the Family Mediation Council Voucher scheme, the mediation was free to the parents.
I cannot help contrasting this with other options for resolving family disputes. It would have taken at best a few months to arrive at the mediation outcome, during which time the child would not have seen his father. Due to the young age of this child, a long gap in contact would not have been advisable. If court proceedings were initiated, it may well have taken almost a year to reach this outcome.
For a number of reasons, the legal system is very slow in England and Wales (and no doubt in other countries too) and legal representation is very costly. Parents can expect to spend hundreds, if not thousands of pounds in legal fees. If they choose to represent themselves, the likelihood is that at the very least, their stress and anxiety levels will be exacerbated.
At Bespoke Mediation Service, I strive to keep separating parties out of court and help them find a tailor made solution to their particular issues so they can move on in their separate lives and hopefully cause minimal disruption and harm to any children involved.
Photograph courtesy of Annie Spratt